Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What's The Secret?

I was only 20 years old (almost 21) when I got married.  It seems so young now but then it wasn't.  Forty years ago, all my friends were getting married and it is truly amazing but all of us are still together.  So I don't think age really has anything to do with a lasting relationship.  I see people in their 30's who get married thinking they are ready to settle down, they know what they want, they have their careers but still end up divorcing.  People often ask me what is the secret to a long and happy marriage.  I can't say it is a secret but I believe first and foremost you have to be absolutely, positively, head over heels in love.  It's not the kind of in love, where you think you may be in love, or might be in love or maybe you'll fall in love later.  It has to be the real thing, the kind of love where you want to be together all the time. You think about this person every minute.  You feel you can't live without them.  They have become your world.  You are complete when you are together. (Do I sound like a romance novel yet?)

If you don't start out with that kind of love, your marriage will be weak.  It won't have a solid foundation.  It will crumble when the trials come.  Your love will be tested many times and if you have a good solid foundation built on unconditional love and trust it will survive.  If not, the relationship will start to bend slowly and eventually break.  Like the song says, love will keep us together.  It is just a fact, at least in my opinion and I've lived through many trials and testings to speak from experience.

I also feel another important "secret" in any marriage is humor.  You can't take everything so serious.  Have fun in the little things.  It seems that most of the time (not all of them) when we would get into an argument or disagreement somehow if we just looked at each other for a few seconds we would then start laughing.  We also like to joke around with each other and do a lot of kidding about things.  We try to lighten up the atmosphere.  When our children were growing up we always had humor in the home.  Our boys were especially good for teasing their dad and making jokes, pulling some kind of prank and we would all laugh.  It never was disrespectful or demeaning.  That would never have been allowed.  Laughter is good for the soul as they say.  It is also good for the marriage.  Fill your walls with laughter.  You will notice how it will bring you closer.  If your partner is too serious, find ways to lighten them up.  Life is hard and we need to slow down and let go of the tension.  It doesn't take much.  I believe that we got through some hard times by using humor to help us cope.  It is not always appropriate but when it is, don't hesitate to use it.  It is also healthy so think of it as medicine for your body, mind and marriage.  Until next time may you find something to laugh about today.


1 comment:

  1. I was only 20 when I got married too and I agree with all your 'secrets'.


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